For all the advancements as a result of the feminists movement the traditional male/female actor/reactor dynamic has not changed a bit. Men in essences are required to do all the “heaving lifting” when it comes to the courting process. In contrast, women react to our advances and decide if dating you is worth her time. On the surface, men fool themselves into thinking that if they demonstrate a certain amount of value (i.e. social status, economic wealth and your occasional golden boy smile) women will, rather, should reciprocate and either show some level of interest and or, dare I say, ask the guy out. This type of thinking is ill advised.
The rationale and likelihood of her initiating or sending some signs of interest is improbable, and contrary to pop culture, doesn’t encompass the fundamental nature of today’s modern women. Our mutual socialization, man as the actor and her as the reactor, encompass certain social stigma that cripples her from asking a man out. The asking, historically, has been affixed to male gender behavior and in such cannot be associated with feminine values. In essences, by asking you out she is lower her feminine value and going against the traditional gender roles. Drilling down and peeling the layers of the gender structures you’ll discover a more sinister motive.
She may suggest that her “choice” not to ask a man out is a question of perhaps fears of appearing overtly coquettish. She may even convince herself that she needs to uphold a certain feminine allure among her circle of friends and family. A closer look however, reveals that it’s a power manipulation tool. Her socially “assigned” right to decide on whom she chooses to invite into her romantic circle shifts the gender power balance on her side.
The power of “choice” assures that the courting responsibility is left to the man, if she’s not interested in you it’s has nothing to do with her pre se, but rather it’s a reflection of your seduction skills…lack of seduction skills that is. Understand that to a degree, it’s a defensive mechanism. In a world in which women are challenged to live up to airbrushed magazine bombshells, it’s easier to reject you then get rejected by you. Any rejection is a reminder of how far off she is from that “ideal” cover girl (despites all of her personal, academic and career achievements). As men dance the dance of courtship, by not asking (acting) she chooses (reacts) whom she’ll pursue. The taste of such “power” nectar is too much to let go of even for the most independent of women; as a result it diminishes the likelihood of her ever asking you out.
Fully understanding and accepting your social gender role, and asking for the date—independent of result—will lead to more success. The key is to detach from the outcome and focus on the process (your GAME). Realize that a “rejection” is not an indication of you per se, but of your ability, rather, inability to create attraction. For women, unlike men, attraction is build via a mental check off list, where as we just focus on her physicality. Refocusing your attention on your “game” and detaching from the outcome ensures that the focus is on the most important person in the dating equation –YOU.
Survival Tip: Not all women are created equal. She may be a lion in the boardroom but lambs at home (and vice versa). Go with the flow during the courting process. Overtime and in your personal moments her true essences will be revealed.
Share The Water…
Steve Amarante
www.luvjungle.com
Asking the guy out never works...It is the pursuit, the journey, the chase that yields the greatest reward. There is a reason you have cat and mouse, yin and yang. Women want to be courted...human nature and natural selection(darwinian)are involved.
Posted by: Damian | June 14, 2008 at 04:02 PM