Rejection is never easy-especially if it comes from that special girl you’ve been pursuing. The fear of rejection, in some, is so strong that often guys choose not to ask, potentially missing out on a life of happiness or an enduring friendship. One of the best way to reduce approach anxiety is NOT to ask her out on a date; instead invite her to participate into something that is presumable part of your daily, weekly or monthly experience.
As an example:
“Hey Jenny I am going shopping for a gift this weekend – my brother frank’s birthday is next week and I want to pick him up a really cool shirt, or a pair of shoes. I'd love to get your opinion on it -- why don't you come with me to the mall, you can help me pick out something. What's better for you Saturday or Sunday?"
Another example: “Hey Mary, I am headed to the new art exhibit at the Met this weekend—I respect your knowledge on the subject. Why don't you come with me to the Met and you can help me make sense of all the artwork. What's better for you Saturday or Sunday?"
The keys about phrasing a “date” in this format is that it:
1. It keeps the balance of power in your end of the scale. If she says no then it’s ok—you where going to head to the Mall/Museum regardless of her coming or not. You are welcoming into your world experience—not asking if you can participate her hers.
2. The phrasing has embedded complements. You value her opinion and respect her knowledge on a particular subject. This “primes” her brain to response positively
3. This type of phrasing is flexible. You could have easily suggested going to a new Italian restaurant because she’s a great cook or bird watching because she’s a naturalist. Try to adjust the statement according to her strengths.
4. The closing statement “What’s better for you Saturday or Sunday? Puts her in somewhat of a box with regards to opting out or say no to you.
5. If the “date” doesn’t work out (she not “vibing” you and you’re not “vibing” her) then nothing is lost: it wasn’t a date! You both have a built in “out”…
No matter the girl, the situation, or your level of confidences, phrasing a potential date as a non-date will help reduce your approach anxiety and limit rejections.
Survival Tip: If and when possible try to schedule your outing late in the afternoon (say 4-5pm) so that it spills into the evening hours. This will allow you the flexibility of “thanking her” for coming out by buying her a drink or share a lite meal. The idea is to extend your “non-date” into, well, a date!
Share The Water…
Steve Amarante
www.luvjungle.com
Picture Credit: http://www.flickr.com/people/27870653@N08/
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